i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
