in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
