But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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