By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
