I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The adults are the big ones right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
