yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
