I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
