i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
