He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
