Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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