before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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