I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize