So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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