I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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