I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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