I wish I could teleport
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
