Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We left the knife in your bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
