So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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