You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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