All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I made him laugh his dick is mine
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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