Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i believe in u and ur pee
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
