i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
