'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
