apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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