Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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