Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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