She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
