well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
