Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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