oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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