My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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