She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
