it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
