I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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