hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here