Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I said "one day" and that day is not today