someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.