I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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