And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
