You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
