So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
