don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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