how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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