you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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