Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
