Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
