can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
