I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
