I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
