Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
