Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
