i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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