Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
