I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
