yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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