capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
