I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize