One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
