dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
