Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
