I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Even my vagina gasped.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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