found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
