you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
