masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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