youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
