I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
